It’s at this time of year that I am particularly thankful to the god of products for bestowing on me things that will stop me having a panic attack at the thought of swimwear. Because Gisele Bündchen I am not. And two children, several decades and a deep love of patisserie have left me with a body that is extremely comfortable in what are known as ‘floaty layers’.
But you will still find me by the pool area next week. And not because I have no shame. No, because I have tricks up my sleeve. And I’m going to share them with you.
Buff. You know this already. But it works. Your skin is smoother… your fake tan goes on better… you feel nicer and therefore smile more (which is always a good look). I really rate Mama Mio’s OMega Body Buff (£23.00) because the teeny bits are just that, teeny (or micro-ground), so there’s no scratchiness. Smells lush too.
Shrink. I’ve talked cellulite before, but what I’m suggesting this time is an intensive treatment, perfect for a pre-holiday blitz. It’s Dove Spa De-Dimple Minimising Sculpting Serum (£45.00), a two-week ‘course’ of little plastic phials. I love this whole process – and the fragrance is gorgeous. But what’s even better is that my thighs are extremely peachy.
Smooth. OK, this is a bit special. It’s Crème de la Mer Reparative Body Lotion. And it’s not cheap. In fact it’s £120, which might seem de trop, but think of it as a salon treatment you can have every day and it starts to make more sense. It contains the same ‘Miracle Broth’ as the face cream, and firms as well as all the usual hydrating stuff. My backside is finally softer than my baby’s. It’s incredible.
Tan. This week I’m prepping with Melvita’s Prosun Self-Tanning Gel-Cream (£20), which not only has a healthy amount of hyphens in its name, but it contains an innovative, plant-based bronzing agent, derived from cane sugar. It does not smell like dog biscuits and for this, and its super-natural colour, I love it.
Distract. By which I mean, if they’re looking at your amazing toenails, they won’t be looking at that weird bulgy bit at the top of your thighs. I’m going for red, white and blue on alternate nails, using the Mavala Olympics Collection (£9.50). It’s the closest I’ll get to sports next week, that’s for sure.
