My baby girl is two today, so my body has had exactly two years to recover from squeezing an 8lb baby out. And I’ve had the same length of time to try a number of potions aimed at minimising the effect of those delightful reminders of pregnancy – stretch marks.

So, I can’t wear a bikini any more. Never mind – she was worth it. But that doesn’t mean to say I don’t want to try and fade the marks a bit and (because you can’t ‘cure’ them) improve the quality of the skin in that area so they are less visible. Here’s what I’ve used in the last (rather hectic) 24 months.

In the first couple of weeks after birth I slapped on Apothederm Stretch Mark Cream (£63), which is pricey, but has some pretty convincing science behind it, involving patented ‘SmartPeptide’ technology, which apparently helps reduce the appearance of both red and silver stretch marks. At this point my marks were red, and they did seem to fade fairly fast, so I’m hoping this had something to do with it.

Next I went for Thalgo’s Stretch Mark Cream (£27). This isn’t aimed particularly at pregnancy and as we all know you can also get stretch marks during puberty or weight gain. I wasn’t in love with the smell but it was super-rich, which made it better for massage than the Apothederm’s more gel-like consistency. Made my skin unfathomably soft, too.

The Mama Mio gang know a thing or two about pregnancy skincare and as well as their cult ‘Tummy Rub’ products for during pregnancy, they do Goodbye Stretch Marks (£45) for repair. I love the light, citrusy smell of this, and the way you ‘finger paint’ it onto the individual scars. They don’t over-promise, either, and talk about ‘reduce their appearance considerably’ rather than getting rid of them.

I’m a big fan of argan oil as you may know, so after the stretch mark emergency was over, I moved onto this purse-friendly treat: Spa Topia Argan Body Oil (£6.99), which contains argan and tamanu oils to ‘reduce stretch marks and enhance skin healing’. I think my marks always look worse if my skin is dry, so this is a good one to slap on at night and wake up feeling nourished all over.

Finally, Murad’s Firm & Tone Serum (£63). Murad are so confident that you will see an improvement in both cellulite and stretch marks that they offer a money back guarantee. Blimey. Well, I’ve just started with this one and I like it already. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a birthday cake to make…